A New Day Dawns

 As one day becomes a memory another is born

There’s nothing quite like seeing the mourning sky! 

It’s amazing how a good nights sleep can help your perspective! I’m still grieving & know I will be for some time, & that’s ok. I looked for the little bed this morning, waiting to hear the groan that I thought meant ’I need to go out’, but of course it didn’t happen. I’ve realised today, just now in fact, that it would have only been a day or two before she passed anyway. No fluids or solids in, would have hastened that process, so I’m glad I helped it be quicker & easier for her 🐾 

As I go through the days, I experience ‘moments’, like I did yesterday when I thought, “oh, I need to park beside grass, so pookums can go out easily”, and that’s ok. Crying is a sign of extreme sadness, & a healthy way to deal with it. It’s funny you know, because I had a feeling it was her last Christmas. I just didn’t recognise all the signs that told me that her departure was imminent. I’m grateful to the vet who helped me to help her yesterday. That in itself was an act of kindness to her. I have many emotions roaring around inside me at the moment, not the least of which is guilt, for all the times when my patience wore thin. But that’s the human condition, isn’t it. Failure is a part of success in learning. We can’t be perfect, it’s not humanly possible. Raw grief is ok, for a season.

I had to put all of pookums things away yesterday, as it hurt too much to see them. I smelled her blanket & found it didn’t have her smell on it, or else my nose doesn’t work 😂 & as an allergy sufferer, that’s entirely possible too. Lots of dust & pollens around at the moment.

Setting goals helps me distract myself & move forward. I’m going to paint the wheels, right after a coffee with a very long time friend. I know that I have a tendency to isolate when I’m hurting, so I’ll intentionally connect, to keep myself healthy.

It’s a bigger job than I thought! 

I still have more people to help out there, & a few things to sort with my new status as a full time living grey nomad.

This year I’ll probably get a job of some kind, as I’m not into the golden years yet 😛 although my hair colour would seem to call me a liar. 🙃

A funny thing happened a few weeks ago, when I sat in a hair salon, along with a few retirees. I had an inexpensive cut & went to pay. They gave me the pensioner discount 😂 Who am I to argue with a discount 😉